Why We Need Each Other

It has taken me a while to figure out what topic I wanted to start 2021 off with. I contemplated the usual: sugar detox, healthy eating, food reset, etc. Nothing seemed to resonate with me. So I wrote nothing.

As I lay awake in bed this morning, it came to me. What is it that I see the most of us struggling with? THAT is the topic I want to dive into.

2020 put a lot of things in perspective for me. I felt lost and without purpose for a good chunk of the year. I had to redefine who I was, recalibrate how I experienced the world and had to reprioritize. During this agony of a process, I realized that there are two things that are crucial for our survival as humans.

We need each other and we need physical contact. Without masks, without social distancing.

Have you ever had a really great massage? Like a REALLY great massage? The kind where you totally relax (maybe fall asleep) and realize that it’s just been way too long since the last time you had human touch in a truly nurturing way?

If you are a parent or caregiver, sometimes you may feel like you want no one to touch you, like you can’t get away from all touching, pulling, needing. The touch I’m referring to is not that. It is touch given to you, skin to skin, coming from a place of love.

What Does the Science Say?

There is no shortage of research on the impact of touch, or lack thereof, in the literature. The absence of touch can be devastating for the development of an infant, particularly a baby born prematurely. It can create a chaotic sensory environment and impact them for a lifetime.

Lack of touch in adults looks a little different.

A recent study looking at the role of touch in early development, touch deprivation, touch aversion, emotions that can be conveyed by touch, the importance of touch for interpersonal relationships, and how friendly touch affects compliance in different situations reviewed MRI data that indicated activation of the orbitofrontal cortex and the caudate cortex during affective touch. Physiological and biochemical effects of touch were also reviewed including decreased heart rate, blood pressure, and cortisol, and increased oxytocin. They found that physical systems improved when physical touch was given. Moderate pressure massage increased serotonin (one of your feel-good hormones) and decreased substance P, which regulates pain and therefore produces a pain-alleviating effect. Positive activation was noted in the frontal EEG along with this massage which resulted in increased attentiveness, decreased depression, and enhanced immune function including an increased in the number of natural killer cells (these guys kill all the dead cells and tumors, etc. that pose a threat to your health!). Anyone else ready to call the massage therapist RIGHT NOW?

What Kind of Touch?

Even touch that goes beyond skin to skin may have a beneficial effect on our health. Physical touch may include hugging, being held, greeting with a pat on the back, or other close physical contacts, and it has been linked to multiple physiological effects such as lower blood pressure, lower heart rate, and higher oxytocin levels (Field, 2010). Many of these physiological effects have been related to lower levels of inflammation (Jankowski et al., 2010), suggesting that physical touch may be anti-inflammatory as well. Chronic inflammation has been linked to a higher likelihood of heart attack, stroke, mortality, as well as higher levels of viral infection (Crimmins and Vasunilashorn, 2011). In studying another virus, Cohen et al. (2015) conducted daily telephone interviews for 14 days assessing support and strain in social relationships prior to exposing participants to a virus causing the common cold. They found that more frequent hugging in those 2 weeks before virus exposure was related to lower risk of infection, less severe illness, and a buffering effect on the higher risk of infection among those experiencing more tension or conflict in their relationships. HOLY SMOKES! Isn’t that powerful!?!?

Let’s Look at 2020…

I’m not sure there is anyone who hasn’t felt lonely at some point in the last year. Now, I’m not going to lie to you. At first, I was happy with a reprieve from people, sports, shopping. It was nice to just retreat into the relaxing atmosphere of my home and have a valid excuse to not have to go see anyone. And while that excuse has gone away a little bit, (shoot, I guess I do NEED to go get food for us to survive), I still haven’t seen many friends that I miss deeply.

As for my kids, early on I recognized just how difficult social isolation was for them. They begged to see their friends. Their first playdate after a month was like watching the heavens part and life was suddenly back in their sweet little souls. It was literally life-giving. Their entire personalities went from sad and depressed to happy and energetic. In ONE playdate. Kids need each other.

I am very blessed that I have family, friends, and friends for my kids who are willing to be safe and social. But many do not have this luxury. Those in nursing homes, hospitals, families where parents are working and kids have to stay home alone…there are lots of examples where social isolation is a daily part of one’s life.

A recent study set out to look at the impact of touch on our health during this pandemic and they found that more frequent physical touch (e.g., hugging, kissing, a pat on the back) by a romantic partner, family, friends, and neighbors was related to a lower likelihood of elevated chronic inflammation. This relationship held even after adjusting for covariates, lagged dependent variables, and selection effects. This is in line with a growing literature on the positive impact of physical touch on health and well-being (e.g., Cohen et al., 2015; Field, 2014; Garcini et al., 2020; Lee and Cichy, 2020—look at all those studies!). Research on physical touch has also shown that it is related to lower stress and greater feelings of being able to overcome stress (Jakubiak and Feeney, 2019), which is relevant in the context of the stressful time of living in a global health crisis.

Another recent study conducting simulations of different types of social networks and interactions during the COVID-19 pandemic suggests that repeated interactions in a closed network of low-risk individuals may help individuals increase their social interactions while not substantially increasing their COVID-19 risk (Block et al., 2020). Take away: if you are low risk and surround yourself with low-risk individuals, you can be safe and social. Period.

Not all agree with me on this. But I deeply believe that the quality of life is as, if not more important than the length of life we have. I would rather have my loved ones around me and enjoy a life full of people who are important to me than be isolated and depressed. Luckily, I have those around me who aren’t afraid to hug, shake hands, and enjoy a much-needed chat. I had tears in my eyes the first time I hugged a friend after months of stay-at-home orders. We often don’t realize what we need until we don’t have it.

Touch is a crucial part of health, like exercise, sleep, and water. Both for us, our kids, and our own parents. As stated in this study:

“Physical touch may also buffer stress, underscoring its importance during the stressful time of living in the COVID-19 global pandemic—a time that has substantially limited social interactions and during which physical touch has been specifically advised against.”

Let’s not take this lesson for granted.

Here’s to your health,